How to deal with disloyalty

When a man or a woman cheat on their partner, this means that the emotional bond has been loosened. That means that their needs were not met. Of course this happens when partners don’t take care of their relationship.

What drives a man or woman to cheat on his / her partner? You may hear them say that they get bored of each other, there was no understanding, they quarreled constantly, they wanted to try something different in order to feel rejuvenated, their relationship lost its magic, they wanted to boost their femininity or masculinity in order to feel desirable from the opposite sex, it was a moment of weakness. In these cases we should ask ourselves whether the woman or the man tried to boost their relationship in order to reinvigorate their relationship and overcome the problems that brought them away. The answer is usually negative. This means that they didn’t want to make any changes in order to improve their relationship and that they preferred to avoid dealing with those issues.

The consequences of disloyalty affect both partners. The one who cheats on the other is in an ongoing process of finding excuses in order to cover his movements. He/She seems to act out different roles where he/she sometimes shows affection and other times behaves aggressively because he/she is ambivalent. This situation is like mental deterioration where one remains in it while he/she has the chance to stand off.

On the other hand, the deceived partner can’t easily understand the changing attitude of his/her partner and wonders what is happening without getting any answers. He/she is in a constant process of making assumptions. This happens before he/she learns the truth because afterwards the reactions are different. More specifically the deceived partner feels betrayed, loses his/her confidence, sees himself as unable to be loved, feels inferior as a man or woman, he/she is shocked because he/she can’t believe that this happened to him / her, he/she feels sorrow and anger because he couldn’t realize the involvement of a third person in his/her relationship, he/she thinks that he/she won’t be able to find another partner.

The deceived partner should  take time so that he/she looks at the situation in a peace of mind. We also need to emphasize that the perception of the deceived partner about the meaning of the relationship plays an important role as far as it concerns commitment where disloyalty can be considered as a crime or can be seen as an opportunity to redefine the relationship and choose new directions. Beyond expressing their negative feelings they should take responsibility for their acts and show forgiveness. In this way can the relationship be improved provided that there is willingness from both sides.

The word forgiveness was mentioned above. The question that arises is whether the deceived partner is able to forgive the other. The answer depends on the motives that one has. For example, if the other partner shows regret for what has happened and he/she is ready to change then forgiveness is possible. Moreover, forgiveness is based on  the intensity of feelings they had for each other, which means that if the relationship was deteriorated, then probably no one is interested in forgiveness. They may want to end the relationship.

In conclusion it could be said that despite the pain such situation can cause it can also be seen as an opportunity for new  beginnings and greater self-awareness.

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